It’s Not A Good Time

We got a puppy.

It wasn’t really in the plans, but my sister sent me a picture of a tiny black and white face with a warning you better claim her–she’s going to go quick.

I stood firm at first. No. The timing is horrible. We have weddings in August, so many sessions in the fall, Chad’s schedule is crazy, three kids in soccer. Three kids in school. No, not now.

My sister responded with another picture of a black and white face of a sweet Standard Poodle.

I caved. Chad caved. We didn’t tell the kids.

********

A month later, I emerged from the car holding a tiny black and white puppy. Three kids froze in their places, they stared. Not a word for a good 6 seconds.

Then screams. Then a thousand awwww’s and a million “thank you’s!”.

Immediate love.

Our new puppy, named Asher, entered our family like a champ. On the first night, she slept the whole night through.

Not a good time, I thought to myself. We’ve got this.

Night two: she barked, howled and cried all. night. long.

I wake up in a haze the next morning. Or, more appropriately, I rose, because there was no sleeping that night. Not a wink.

Not a good time. Not a good time.

Chanelle and I drive to an appointment she had scheduled the next morning. We stop at a grocery store to grab a few items. I leave the items behind and have to return to retrieve them.

This day, I say to the cashier.

We stop by PetCo to search for something, anything that might help our new family member rest at night. I scour the aisles looking for a package titled “Miracle Dog Sleeper”. Up and down the aisle I look and find nothing.

Crud.

I settle on a tiny pink bed, hoping for a miracle. At the checkout, I forget how to use my credit card. The cashier eyes me, likely wondering if I’m okay to be driving my young daughter around.

This day, I say to the cashier.

Not a good time, not a good time.

We drive home and I continue my day in a sleepless haze. Chatting with my little humans, taking our new pup outside on a continuous rotation, and steering clear of the stovetop because certainly I would burn something today.

I check in with Chad to be sure that he will be home for the kids Open House. My in-laws plan to go, too. It’s at 5:30 I tell them.

We drive to the school and get there about 5:27. The school is desolate. Not a car to be seen–except for my Father-in-laws and the pastor of our church who came because my father-in-law told him it was today. (Because I told all of them it was today.) A look at the calendar on my phone tells me that Open House is Thursday at 5 p.m. Not Tuesday at 5:30.

This day, I say to no one in particular.

Not a good time. Not a good time.

*******
Yesterday, I sat outside with a pup who is learning where she can and cannot do her business. I sat in the grass and kept my eye on a little pup who isn’t the least bit concerned about my timeline or the list of things I need to get done. I sat and felt the warmth of the sun on my face and listened to the way the dried grasses swayed with the slight breeze. I thought about my words to my sister, it’s not a good time and I realized that it’s never really a good time.

Life is always moving. Moving at break-neck speed, it seems to me. There is nothing I can do to slow it down. As much as I long to slow down in the midst of it, I struggle terribly doing so.

Tomorrow. Next week. Next Month. In December.

I search for answers. I search for clues on how others keep it all together. How they juggle all the balls of life. It seems to be that when one ball is thrown it, another falls. There is no way to keep them all in the air. I realize that I can talk until I’m blue about slowing down about breathing, but until I actually move to do something about it. . . .

It’s not a good time.

*******
I realize that it’s never a good time to slow down. There is always something to do. Emails to return. Checklists to ‘check’. Whatever pulls me in one direction, something else will pull me in another. This is the reality of life, for most people, I know.

I haven’t untangled it all yet. I’m still trying to learn, figure out, solve the question of how to live life in the midst of living life. I know the answer is different for all of us.

For today, I made a choice to take a moment. To slow down. To write, even if no one ever reads it. To sit quietly for a few moments and listen to the sounds of the outside. To sip coffee while sitting. Today, I chose to pick up a book, read a few pages, and remind myself that life is so much bigger than what I see right in front of me. It’s bigger than a checklist. It’s bigger than to-do’s.

Today, I made a choice to make this day not into one of those days simply by pausing and being grateful for today. 

*******

Oh, and our new puppy? She’s sleeping through the night now. We’ve got this.