.jpg)
You’re letting her put a ring in your nose and lead you any way she wants. Take the ring out of your nose, Summer.
This was one of my Dad’s most famous lectures. We called it “The Ring In The Nose”. I’m not sure if my brother and sister were given the pleasure of this lecture, but I suspect they were. Either way, I’m am quite certain that The Ring In The Nose was repeated to me the most.
I was in 4th grade when I was faced with the ups and downs of a friendship with a ‘mean girl’. I remember how confusing that year felt. When this girl who had been my friend for several years suddenly wasn’t my friend and then was my friend and then wasn’t my friend. One day she was talking about me behind my back and the next she was inviting me to a slumber party. One day we were slapping hands and chanting: Miss Susie had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell, Miss Susie went to Heaven, the steam boat when to. . . HELLO operator. . . and the next day I watched as she cupped her hands around another girls ear while looking toward me and laughing.
While my ‘friend’ decided my worth with the changing whims of her 4th grade mind, my emotions rode the whims like a roller coaster. Up and down and all around I went. There were dips that had my heart in my stomach and highs that had me soaring like a bird. Each day the walk to school was like taking that slow creep up the first roller coaster hill, not knowing what awaits on the other side. Will a steep fall greet me or just a quick turn? Will she whisper and stare or will she clap hands with me a recesses?
Each day, I boarded the ride, willingly, and handed my feelings and my worth over to her.
I spent many evenings crying to my parents about my ‘friend’. This is when “The Ring In The Nose” emerged. Always the sentimental one, my Dad put all the responsibility on me. You’re letting her put a ring in your nose. You’re letting her control you. Don’t let her lead you. Don’t give her that control. Take the ring out of your nose. There were times when my Dad didn’t have to say a word. While I mused about my ‘friend’ he would simply hold his pointer finger up to his nose without a word. I knew what he was saying. Annoying, I thought to myself.
*******
I’ve never been a leader. I’ve never been one to jump in front of a crowd and scream “Let’s go!” Or, “Woo Hoo!”Or, “Follow Me!” (There was my high school freshman year cheerleading squad involvement that still makes my cheeks turn red–what was I thinking? Short skirts, lollies (now called spankies, so google tells me), and pom-poms were never me.) Leading is not in my DNA, as much as I’ve had seasons when I’d wished it was.
I remember sitting in an auditorium shortly before my freshman year of college. I was sitting with my parents surrounded by a other wide-eyed, nervous-excited almost college students, while several students (the leaders) were enthusiastically talking about all the exciting things we were about to experience as we joined their ranks on campus. I can’t remember exactly, but I think there was some dancing and singing involved and quite a bit of enthusiastic shouting. I remember my Dad leaning toward me and whispering, I can see you doing that someday.
I remember wishing it was true.
*******
There are leaders and followers, I’ve heard it said.
“Lead, follow, or get out of my way” spouted a t-shirt back in my cross-country running days.
There seemed to be only two choices. You lead. Or you follow.
A few years under my belt and growing lines around my eyes have helped me to understand that there are more than two ways. We can’t all be leaders (Thank God) and we don’t all have to be followers (Thank God.) There is making your own way. There is standing back and observing. There is seeing the surroundings. There is taking it all in and deciding what is right and best and truest for ones self. The ground is fertile for making a path–wherever I want–however I want.
*******
Over the years, my siblings and I have laughed about The Ring In The Nose ‘talk’. We mockingly tease my Dad about his famous lecture. And while my 10-year old self didn’t really understand what he was saying, now I understand.
I read about the ring in the nose of a bull. I learned that it was done because bull handlers found that if they could control the bulls head, they could control the bull’s body. Looking back, I know my ‘friend’ controlled not just my head, but my body. The highs and lows, the ups and downs–I boarded the roller coaster and gave her all the control. My heart. My spirit. My worth. My joy. I handed it over willingly.
I no longer have the ring in my nose. Somewhere along the road, I’m not even sure where, I removed it. I took it off and laid it down and never picked it up again. Time continues to teach me that I don’t need that ring in my nose and I don’t need to hold the ring of anyone else.
The ground is fertile. A path can be made anywhere.
I’ve never been one for roller coasters, anyway. Or bulls for that matter.
