When we met with our mentors last month. . . (or has it been two months now?) we talked about the blog. Again, through tears (because tears are a gifting of mine) I told my mentors about how important this space is to me. How I feel a loyalty to it–that this space was a beginning for me. Dare I say a rebirth, of sorts? I feel an allegiance to the blog like I do to my home town or my College. Right or wrong, this space is sacred to me and it has become a part of the story of my life.
As I talked about this with my mentors I explained that ‘the blog’ has been a constant struggle since Running Chatter became SummerK. Because, rule follower that I am. . . aren’t there rules??!!
Shouldn’t my personal and business stay separate? I asked them.
Shouldn’t my blog be filled with only the beautiful families and weddings that I get to document?
Shouldn’t the blog be filled with all things photography since a photographer is writing the blog?
Shouldn’t I be wary of turning potential clients off by sharing my musings, our life, and the good, bad, and ugly?
These were just some of the questions I have fought with for two years.
In truth, my questions and doubt left be feeling frozen, unable to move. I’d sit at the computer and stare at a blank screen while all of the “should’s” and “shouldn’t” and “cautions” stopped me from pouring myself out like I did for all those years when I was taking crappy pictures in Running Chatter. Chad always challenged my fears with a simple, Summer, just be you.
Easier said than done, right?
As I poured all this out to our mentors a few months ago one of them said to me, Summer, there are no rules. This is your business, your life, your story. . . you get to make the rules.
That was all I needed to hear. When we returned home, I dug in my office drawer, pulled out that Rule Book and threw it into the fire pit and lit a match. (Because I’m firm and decisive like that.)
Okay, that’s not really true. I still have all the questions I had two months ago and they swirl around in my head like the dirt swirled around pig pens body. The fear is there. The doubt is there. The uncertainty is over-whelming at times. But, as the quote from David duChemin in this wonderful book above says, “To seek a fearless life is not the same of seeking a life of courage.”
I say to our kids often, it’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to have fear. It’s okay to be nervous. None of these things mean that we don’t move forward. We move forward, in spite of our fear.
So, here I am, on the journey like so many others feeling fears, experiencing uncertainty, taking many wrong turns along with some that are right. This is life, I suppose, and Rule Book or no Rule Book, fear is just a part of it.
Peace & Love Friends. . .